We all have ‘that’ Uncle!

The past is dear to me. The past has shaped me to be what I am today. My past, like all of our pasts, are pitted with potholes, cracks and wrong turns. However, from time to time, it seems ‘the stars’ line up just perfectly.

I have an uncle, one of the most ‘colorful’ and ‘entertaining’ men God ever created for sure. I never know what is going to come out of his mouth, and that’s part of his charm. He is a joy and one of the things about my Uncle Sandy is that he always, even in his darkest hours, somehow manages to ‘school me’ a little without even trying. He is a 4 on the floor, hotrod kind of Uncle. He used to have this car, I can’t remember if it was the Plymouth Road Runner or the Superbee but I do remember, it was bad to the bone and could spend most of it’s time with the rubber melting off the rim through almost any gear. (A fact that thrilled and terrified me all at the same time when I was a child). The whole, ‘drop a 50 dollar bill on the floor board and dare someone to pick it up once he pops the clutch’ kind of car…(quick way to make 50 bucks)

Years ago, he lived in Hickory NC. If memory serves, he was working for a phone company and was involved in running line/cable. I remember, it as it was told to me, he was standing near a telephone pole with cable around him as it was fed up to the top of the pole. The cable ran across the street where a flag man was handling traffic. One thing lead to another and said man didn’t stop a truck, said truck drove over said cable and Uncle Sandy got the privilege of doing a ‘Peter Pan’ and got pulled up and down that pole while the cable burned into and around his bicep. Now Uncle Sandy comes from strong stock. I mean, if you know my mom…that should say it all. Just get out of the way. Her southern sweetness belies the demon below that breast bone if you harm one of her children or her husband. She gets it honest from her mother.

Now that is a story unto itself. Have mercy, Lena Munroe…, don’t know when she was born exactly and that is just the way she wanted it. We all adored this woman and to this day we feel the lack of her presence. She was a ton of fun and I had the privilege of spending a lot of time with her during my college years. To say she was a whole different stretch of road doesn’t come close! DONT MESS WITH GRANDMOTHER. Say the word ‘old’ ANYWHERE in a sentence while standing within earshot and she would come out of her ever present boiling cup of black coffee and tear into you faster than a politician can lie. Man she was touchy about her age.

“Grandmother, did you see that ‘old’ car?”

“Jeffery David Kennon how dare you call me old!”

I learned very quickly to avoid the discussion completely unless I wanted to die a slow verbally painful, death. She lived in Greensboro, which is where we all are from, and I went to college in Winston Salem. So I would frequent her house and sometimes even spend the night. Nothing like grandmother’s hamburgers. “Let me fix you a burger Jeffery?” There was always a command in that offer somewhere, but being a hungry college kid I would never turn her down. “Thank you ma’am, yes please”. Off she would go bathrobe tearing around the corner just talking a mile a minute, asking questions, etc.

Now Grandmother had a thing about wasps…They all should die and she always had a can or two of ‘Hot Shot’ or ‘Raid’ on top of the refrigerator. It was so routine for me that I kinda forgot about the Raid/Hotshot laced burgers till I would bring a friend over. She would go into the kitchen and start cooking, then out of nowhere, faster than superman flies, robe wearing super grandmother would have a spatula in one hand fixing burgers and in the other…death in a can to another wasp. That first bite of hamburger would talk back for sure! 🙂

My grandfather was a ‘trick gun shooter’ at local fairs. You know, shooting over his shoulder, looking at a mirror, shooting a cigarette/chalk out of someone’s mouth. (That someone was usually Grandmother)  She was a woman of strong constitution for sure, and no doubt. Grandfather had passed when I was a child and she soldiered on for many a year till Heaven could wait no longer and requested her presence. So, I am in school, this was back in the mid 80’s when I get a phone call from Grandmother. “Your Uncle’s been hurt now come on over would you please and take me to go see him.”

“Yes ma’am”. I jumped in my old Nova and headed over to Greensboro to pick her up. Now another thing about my grandmother is that she always drove a serious ride. I used to think my Uncle got his taste in cars from Granddaddy but I think there was a little bit of Dale (that would be Dale Earnhardt) residing within Lena because all I remember is that all of her cars would GO! I saw her once, single handedly, take a parking place at North Hills mall with her old AMC Matador from 4 other drivers going in circles waiting. She saw that free spot and man, that big ‘ole yellow’ ride went sideways getting into that place. We covered our eyes from the light trails that got left standing in place she took off so fast! Captain Kirk and warp speed couldn’t have got that the parking space any faster. Then she got out, brushed her yellow dress straight as if nothing had happened, propped up that purse on her right arm in the crook of her elbow and walked up to us while we looked at all of the ticked off folks who ‘thought’ that was their spot. (Shopping and parking were serious things to Grandmother). So many things passed through my mind that day, like ‘ah, this is where mom gets it’, and ‘dag I wonder if Grandmother ever ran shine (moonshine) back in the day?’ (There is a story there also…but not for today).

Once I arrived at Grandmother’s house, I got the keys, started up the old Potanic and we left Greensboro headed to Hickory. We hadn’t been 5 minutes, I mean 5 MINUTES I tell you when she said, and I knew she was gonna say it, “Jeffery, how much gas do we have?” This is another one of those ‘things’…See anything below ¾ of a tank meant you were about to run out of gas. I said to myself, ‘do I tell her or do I fudge’? She probably already knows so just fess up…you know you gotta get gas. “¾ of a tank”. It took like a millisecond, “pull off up here, and let’s fill it up which mean ‘I’ would be filling her up. 🙂

Straight drive to Hickory is 1 and half hours from Greensboro. The drive is quick and me and Grandmother’s Catalina ate up the superslab. I don’t remember where Uncle Sandy lived but when we drove up, Grandmother got out. She wanted to see her boy badly. She loved him dearly and talked of him often. We went in and started to visit. Now my uncle, see he’s got ‘things’ also. He doesn’t like heights. Let me put it like this…my uncle could be the first man to use ‘sedation elevation’. Sorta like sedation dentistry except for elevators. Years back he had a short stint in the military as I recall and was out on maneuvers. Grandmother had taken ill. The only way to get Uncle Sandy out of the field was by helicopter. But it wasn’t anything like ‘landing and jumping in’. Oh no, they hovered over his head and he had to climb a freaking rope later to get on board. Now imagine, you don’t like heights, don’t like elevators and I think escalators at the mall might take a little medication or ‘liquid’ courage for him. Yet when he heard ‘his momma was sick’ up that ladder he went. That kind of bravery is something I admire in him greatly. He and baby-doll Mary ride the iron road hog all day long and never flinch.  

We sat down and spent some time catching up. He was doing as best as anyone could who had been through the bungee jump thing before it was…’a thing’. After a few minutes he suggested he and I step out. Now I was a skinny, Christian College boy, sheltered as they come. We jumped in the Bronco and headed for his favorite watering hole, The ‘Sweet Water Cafe’… just think of your typical old southern redneck bar. Up to that time I had never been in a bar except once, when I hit someone’s car and I had to follow them in to talk with them about the damage I did. I was a tad bit ‘nervous’ though I totally trusted my uncle and I knew, he would keep me safe. Another one of his qualities is that his heart is the biggest part of him. He would never purposely hurt anyone or put them in danger, unless off course you make the mistake of messing with someone he loves and cares for. Then out comes the PROTECTOR. (Like Terminator)

We walked in and I swear to God ZZ Top was sitting around the tables. The Duck Dynasty boys were with them also. I had a little internal freak out because back in those days, I didn’t have anything that kinda ‘normalized’ that rough and rugged look. Here I was, baby faced and all, looking at sea of grey, black beards, leather and chains who looked like would cut your liver out and eat it as fast as Grandmother can whip out a can of Hotshot. Now, I was scared.

Uncle Sandy waded in like he was home and they all greeted him enthusiastically, beards, tattoos moving with the gestures. ‘Unc’ said “Let me introduce you to my nephew Jeff. He is my sister’s kid”…and he waved me over. I walked up and out came the introductions.

The first thing I heard was ‘clear’ well spoken english. “Good afternoon Jeff, pleasure to meet you” and so on and so on. Internally I wasn’t sure it was true but they were…NICE. Come to find out, they were freaking professionals like accountants or something like that. I was expecting stuff like “yea, just got out of Sanquienten for a short stint for killing my ex wife and her dog’ or something…but no these guys were NICE, and KIND and I remember, looking at my Uncle with admiration as I thought about how I had prejudged this situation. I realized how far I needed to go to give ‘mankind’ a fair shake before making my mind up about them. These men would clearly give you the shirt off their backs, which had been hard earned and to think these were my uncle friends. It was a lesson that  have carried till today. Never, ever prejudge a situation around people. The outside package doesn’t always tell the story and kindness transcends any situation.

I hated to see him hurt and as the years past, he’s had to ‘drive’ down some tough roads’ but he is still one of the great guys in my life that has shaped me for the better. I have never forgotten that lesson he taught me that day. I am not sure if it was ever his intent but it opened my world to see that not everyone has to look at act like what I know, to be ‘good’.

I wonder what the world would be like if we held on to that in 2016?

Peace on your journey this week.