As I get older, I’m am able to more clearly comprehend, deep down in my bones why we all look back at childhood and get a ‘magical’ sense about it. Though some parts of childhood were rough, I think that in spite of the difficulties, there is a ‘magical essence’ that starts when we are children, wanes in our 20’s, diminishes in our 30’s to 50’s, and then starts a small resurgence until we are elderly. Hopefully, in the best sense of the phrase, we come back around to have ‘a childlike outlook’ again when we look back on a life well spent.
‘Strong’ is a word that I can attribute to my grandfather on the Kennon side. He had a ‘strong’ constitution and Lord knows, everyone who lived with him had to learn to have a strong constitution as well. 🙂 However, as he aged and started losing some of his zest, I remember him acting more and more like a child; mainly in his understanding of what was going on around him. I pray to God that I myself become a sweet old man, if God gives me the years. (However, I think I am paving a road to becoming and mean, intolerant old man!)
There are times when I look into the eyes of my parents, or Elizabeth’s folks and I see the years of experience, the miles of emotional roads travelled and and the exterior image of what we all ‘think’ they are (Folks over 60. That’s as far as I am going to go on the number). But at times, I see an amazing curly red-headed little girl in mom’s face, with that twinkle in her eyes, or a wonderful chestnut brown-eyed brunette with fire in Ann. The same goes for my Dad and Bob; there is still a little boy in each of them waiting to get out… and sometimes it’s not waiting… but right there to see!
It seems as my generation starts to age up we forget the magic and touch of the child within. For anyone my age, there are clearly some ‘city’ miles on our souls with potholes of damage. Finding a place and way to ignite the young boy/girl within is hard. Bills, fatherhood/motherhood, life, work are all big things that really can get in the way.
One of the things I don’t want to become is a bitter old man. I don’t want to look at everyone young around me and be jealous, or see what they are doing and wish I could do it. I want to enter my twilight years with a level of dignity and pride over the work I’ve done, the care for Elizabeth, Cayden, Joshua and Jonathan, the adventures I didn’t back down from, and feel like God used me where He wanted me. This, to me, is child like faith… and I sense, as I get older, the time is starting to come where I can get a ‘whiff’ of the future potential of living more and more with that childlike wonder, yet continue to fulfill the responsibilities of an adult.
For some, the crinkled worry lines of fate might be evident on the outside and inside, but you can still see the little one under the surface ready to play, while others of us hide deep in our closets because it’s the only safe place we have or know. I recently saw a photo of a headstone for a young boy who passed away as a cripple in a wheelchair. His father designed the headstone out of a large block of stone with a wheelchair sitting on top but the child was standing, arms outstretched, leaping, reaching for the One.
That is a beautiful image of what I’m talking about… that as we age up, the little one on the inside starts to take over more, and one day will fly away.
I believe this is by design…
Why? Because the pure innocent quality that a child brings to the table and lives with, puts a cocoon around one’s soul as life rolls by. We all hear it and have said it when we hear of a child losing a father, mother or dealing with some tragedy at any early age, “Well, they had to grow up fast,”…we all hurt when we hear and see this.
I think this is one of the reasons our steepest penalties are for crimes against children.
It’s as if growing up means we have to take the fun out of life, we have to step out of the cocoon of childhood and face life as if it all sucks and we understand everything. There is nothing new and our lives are composed of just looking backwards, not forward. It is like someone told us that the only thing coming is more heartache, etc.
I think not. I wonder if some of this is really more about perspective and attitude toward what is going on in our lives and around us? I wonder if the absolute abandonment of a child’s life and energy is actually still there, still able to be more on the table vs. submerged? I know for myself, if I let myself think, see, hear, and deal with the horrors of the world I will sink… I just can’t take all of the world’s pain. There is a reason why my name isn’t ‘Jesus’. I can’t carry the weight of the world. Watching the news makes one feel as if you are obligated to carry the burden of the world on your shoulders, and if you are a citizen, who really cares, then you ‘should’ know about all of the tragedies that are occurring, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in living and dying color.
From first hand experience… I know… I can’t. There is only one person I know who can handle that and I think He made it clear… we are to take our burdens to Him. This brings me to one last rambling 
thought…
When I go back and look at my brothers I often see the little 3 kids within the adults. I am not suggesting or asking anyone to not take care of your adult responsibilities, but I am saying, stop for a minute, let the little one on the inside pull on the the emotions of your inward self. You might find out… life can be the adventure we all crave and you can have more childlike joy again just being you.
Peace on your journey this week.
